Blogging & Writing, Self-development

5 Confessions of a Socially Awkward Blogger

Hi, I’m Tiziana. I’m a blogger, an introvert and a socially awkward girl.

By introvert, I mean that I can enjoy a limited amount of time in a small group of close friends but that I derive most of my energy and satisfaction while on my own.

By socially awkward, I mean that, despite my best efforts at mingling with people, most of the time I feel clueless about socialising, and I often end up feeling uncomfortable or frustrated – both at others’ social expectations and at myself for not meeting those expectations. (By the way, being socially awkward differs from person to person, and in my case, I’m not talking about social anxiety, which is much more severe.)

The Internet is a helpful tool for shy persons who wish to communicate more but find it difficult to do so in face-to-face situations. And blogging, I’m sure many of you will agree, is a wonderful means for us bloggers to express ourselves in a way in which we can’t always do in the offline world. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that all our insecurities are wiped away as soon as we turn into our blogging persona.

Today I want to move slightly away from the positivity of my last blogging-themed posts, and instead, I will explore my fears and the ways my real-life awkwardness infiltrates my blogging process. It’s an entirely subjective and personal point of view (it’s so personal that for the first time, I’ve put my awkward self in the cover photo!) and therefore I feel like I’m confessing to you readers.

Here it goes!

5 Confessions of a Socially Awkward Blogger

Confession #1: Behind each post, there are hours of insecure writing and unsatisfying editing.

I’ve already written a lot about this, since my first blogging-themed post, so I don’t need to add too much. On my notebook, each post that I plan looks cool, and I’m always thinking “This post is going to be awesome!”, but when I’m writing, I freeze. Literally, I freeze at every couple of sentences, thus tripling my production time. And during editing? I almost cry tears of blood because the final product is never, ever completely satisfying to me.

So when I hit Publish, I feel more ugh rather than yay. Eventually, it wears away and, with time, it’s getting better. However, I can’t get rid of this feeling entirely while writing and the thought of it often haunts me days after publishing. It’s like when I go to bed, and the second my head hits the pillow, I remember something stupid I’ve said in a conversation four days before.

Confession #2: I hide my insecurity behind my ‘rambleness’.

‘Rambleness’… is that even a word? #awkward When I was choosing my blog’s name, I was wise enough to choose ‘rambles’ sort of to warn readers that I tend to ramble on and on (I’m feeling like I’m doing it right now too?). That doesn’t always mean that I’m confident in what I’m saying. It means that I’m hoping that somewhere in the midst of all the rambling, there’s something which makes sense and that makes the blog post worthwhile.

I often regret my ‘rambling’ quality; I just wish I could say the same thing but more concisely and in a cooler way. It’s like one of those dreaded awkward silences in a conversation, which I like to destroy by saying something inappropriate or that I regret 2.5 seconds later.

Confession #3: I beg you to (not) read and comment my post.

We bloggers obviously want our posts to be read, liked and commented by many readers, right? Right, I want that too. But I also don’t want it, or rather, I’m scared shitless of it. It all goes back to my usual insecurity at the time of writing and posting. The consequence of this insecurity is the fear of judgement from other bloggers/readers and the lack of trust in the lovely comments I receive.

Sometimes, my blogging reminds me of the times when I want to appear like a normal social person but without engaging in small talk (yeah right, like that’s even possible).

Confession #4: That comment on your blog? It took me a longer time to write than you think.

I still feel awkward when I want to leave a comment on a blog, whether it’s one I read regularly or a new one I’ve stumbled upon. I wish I could easily write a nice, interesting comment that catches the blogger’s attention but the truth is that it takes some extra minutes of composing and checking before I hit Send and the final comment always sounds boring (and rambling) to me. It also doesn’t help me when bloggers don’t reply back or respond in a way that sounds lukewarm to me.

It’s a lot like when I’m witnessing a group conversation, wanting to butt in with a witty comment, but cannot because I’m psychologically blocked (or worse: I say something which is promptly ignored). I’m trying my best to improve.

Confession #5: I want to be part of a community, but I’m not sure I fit anywhere.

I like writing about books, but I don’t consider myself a book blogger. I write about my travels, but it’s not enough to be called a travel blogger. I’m interested in writing, but I don’t do creative writing. I write reviews, but I’m more than just a reviewer. The variety of my blog’s topics sometimes makes it a little harder to find similar bloggers. It’s also quite tough to join an already established blogging community and, to complicate things more, every blogger seems miles ahead of me in terms of quality.

It’s like when I’m standing at the margins of a confident, talkative group of people, or even when I am conversing with acquaintances, and feeling like I can’t completely relate to any one of them. However, instead of feeling like a weirdo, I try to appreciate my uniqueness and hope that someone else can understand it as well.

~*~*~*~

You think this awkwardness will deter me from blogging? Nope!

In real-life social situations, I don’t feel any pain; I just feel some slight discomfort and frustration, depending on the circumstances, which I’m learning to overcome by being happy with how I am. I try to not give importance to what people might think, only to the direct reactions I receive, and in the end, I’m only pleased to limit my social interactions to a few meaningful ones while leaving out the negative ones.

In blogging, I want to do the same. Despite my insecurities, I am overall happy with the blog I’m building, and that will eventually make me more confident when interacting with others. And after all, I am ready to embrace my blogger persona as much as my whole self, and why not, I want to embrace my awkwardness too because it’s part of who I am.

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Are you socially awkward too? Do you share any of these feelings? Leave a comment on this post or drop me a mail!
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10 Comments

  • Reply Myna Kaltschnee 26th November 2016 at 11:31 pm

    Hey Tizy,

    what an AWESOME blog post <3 I know you posted several posts about blogging lately and I find that really cool! I must admit, I haven't read all of them yet (but I want to). I always liked your writing style and how you express yourself so well. I had no idea that you are so insecure about your blog posts. All I can do is encourage you and tell you that you are an awesome blogger/writer.

    I also have the feeling that I don't fit anywhere. I mean, I'm mainly blogging about creative writing and books, but I don't think I'm really a book blogger. I also blog about mental health sometimes, which is a totally different topic. 😀 I also wrote one blog post about travelling (to Hamburg in Northern Germany), but I haven't travelled in the last year or so, unfortunately. So no new blog posts about travelling.

    Okay, I hope this comment makes sense hehe. All I wanted to say with this is, that I LOVE your blog and your articles.

    Take care!
    Hugs,
    Mimi

    • Reply Tiziana 27th November 2016 at 1:59 pm

      Aw Mimi, thank you so much for your sweet comment! ^^ Yes I dedicated my November posts to blogging, this was the last one.

      To me it seems easier to find similar bloggers when you write about books and writing, I see so many of such blogs! Unfortunately, it’s a bit harder for me to fit in because I rarely find bloggers who write on books that are not YA, fantasy and sci-fi and I’m not up to date with recent publications. And I can’t review too many books right now. xP But I still find good book blogs and other kinds to follow, which makes it exciting.

      Thank you again for your encouragement. 🙂

      Take care, *hugs*

  • Reply ejfrostuk 27th November 2016 at 6:33 pm

    Lovely “confession”!

    I think many writers are introverts. I certainly am. Socializing with a few friends is fun for a while, but I’m always the first to want to leave the party so I can go home and curl up with a book. One of the great things about the internet has been reading about other writers’ personal habits (things they wouldn’t have admitted publically until social media created a culture of oversharing) and realizing I’m not at all alone in feeling drained by the company of others or recharged by spending the day reading a book.

    I think many writers are also socially “awkward.” Outsiders often have acute social perception, and since they can’t express their observations interpersionally, they do so impersonally, through the written medium.

    We’re part of a rich and diverse community of writers who socialize online. It’s a great time to be a writer, with so many avenues for expression open to us. It’s a great time to be an introvert, with social media connecting introverts to each other for as much or little socialization as we can handle before we turn off the Internet and curl up with our book. I’m embracing it 100%!

    • Reply Tiziana 27th November 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Hi Emma 🙂 I’m always happy when I meet fellow introvert bloggers/writers. I’ve seen some who write posts from this point of view and they’re always relatable.
      I agree with what you’ve said about outsiders’ social perception and it’s true that we’re lucky to be living in this era where we can find it easier to connect. Even being “awkward” ceases to be a problem after all.

      Thanks a lot for reading, commenting and retweeting, I’m glad that you found my post relatable. 🙂 Keep it up with your writing and blog.

  • Reply missingthebusblog 8th December 2016 at 11:42 pm

    Hi, Recognize myself in all of these things. also because I’m really new and I don’t have a lot of followers, and at the same time I’m quite scared about what people will thing of me and my writing. I guess its just one of those insecurities that some of us carry with us. I’m so happy you started follow my blog so that now I found yours! Its lovely here!

    • Reply Tiziana 9th December 2016 at 8:39 am

      Hi Anna. 🙂
      I’m glad you like my blog and that you found my post relatable.
      I’ve been blogging for a while but I still feel like a newbie because for many months I was too insecure to share my blog around and therefore I hardly had any readers except for friends. So I think I know the feeling. New bloggers need feedback and support more than others.
      Thanks again for visiting, I look forward to seeing more of your posts. 🙂

  • Reply ayushi 16th April 2017 at 9:04 pm

    Hey Tizi, as an extroverted-shy breed(I like coining terms), I can feel your words there!
    Usually my comments are a product of well thought, well articulated, structured sentences aiming to post a comment without starting small talks, but I was like what the hell, let me just ramble on!! 😉 (I too blabber a lot). Eventually I have improved in the art of making small talks(I guess) and I guess you will too..:) 🙂

    • Reply Tiziana 17th April 2017 at 11:46 am

      Hello Ayushi. 🙂 I’m glad for your input as an “extroverted-shy”, as it proves that introversion/extroversion and shyness are two different things.
      I’d rather not go against my nature and keep rambling on, the bad thing is when after all the rambling I still get ignored!

      Congrats for improving your small talk skills and thanks a lot for the encouragement, I’m sure that with more practice I will manage to survive these moments. 🙂

  • Reply kooksnfrills 16th April 2017 at 9:08 pm

    Oh my gosh, this is probably the most relatable blog post I’ve read yet, it is such a relief to hear from other people that feel the same! I probably have about ten blog posts that I’ve written thinking they were great to then bottle it and leave them in my drafts! Not to mention the scrupulous testing my writing goes through before I have the courage to click upload, at which point I get as far away from the laptop as possible in case anyone comments! And I’m forever too nervous to post a comment on other blogs, especially when they have lots of followers! Love this post, and can’t wait to explore more of your blog!

    • Reply Tiziana 17th April 2017 at 11:57 am

      Hi Laura, thank you so much for your comment, it really made my day! Although, of course, it’s not nice to know that you feel awkward in your blogging process too… at least your posts make it to a draft, sometimes mine stop at a few scribblings on my notebook. Oh gosh, I also run away afraid of comments, sometimes I get an email notification of a comment and I shut down my inbox, putting it off for later.

      Thanks for visiting and I hope you liked what you found on my blog. I’m browsing your blog and I like the concept of the shy blogger, keep it up!

    Any thoughts you would like to share?

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