Life Matters, Self-development

30 Thoughts on Turning 30

One early Tuesday morning (precisely at 3:50 AM) of August 1987, in the hospital of Malta, a baby girl was born. It was right in the middle of a heatwave, with temperatures soaring above 40˚C, and little did this child know how many other heatwaves would bring torture to her.

Yep, that’s me! Today I’m turning 30. How do I feel? Eh… I’m not entirely sure.

Unlike many others, I have no bucket list to turn to. I don’t care about tying my goals and wishes to a particular age. And hell, I never liked birthdays, not even my own. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a lack of gifts (except money from relatives) and parties and cakes (before you start feeling sorry for me, I never cared for these things as a kid!).

However, this big, rounded number still beckons for a particular post. So, I’m using this occasion to look back on what has brought me to this point in my life, with the hope of finding positivity and motivation.

Coming up with 30 thoughts seemed difficult at first but, once I started, the flow wouldn’t stop, and it turned out to be a good freewriting exercise. Beware: although you might find something that resonates with you, it’s going to be extremely personal!

30 Thoughts on Turning 30

1. So here I am. 30 years old… how on earth did that happen already?!

2. I definitely don’t feel – even less look – like a 30-year-old. That’s both good and bad.

3. People often give me 5-10 years less, and I feel awkward whenever they point it out.

4. While I bless my genes, I have a feeling that the way I keep my appearance doesn’t help me with looking adulty enough.

5. I’m super conscious about my lack of makeup use, but hey you know what? I’m kinda proud of that. I don’t like myself when made up like an ‘adult’, anyway.

6. Although, I’m aware of when I’m obliged to ‘cake up’ my face and go out adulting. Still don’t like it

7. What perhaps makes this age-looks dissonance even more jarring is that these days I’m always hanging around younger people.

8. Ever since I failed/quit university 10 years ago, wherever I go (classes, jobs), I’m almost always older than everyone else.

9. Such experiences have taught me that the younger ones aren’t all as bad as some media tend to portray them.

10. By sharing the same experiences with them, I’ve also learned about where I went wrong in my late teens and 20s.

11. I’m not going to hide this: I DO regret a lot of decisions I’ve taken in the past.

12. These ‘wrong’ choices shaped up my life, and when I look back, I can’t help but feel sorry for the time I wasted.

13. I know that I missed out on a lot and that, compared to other 30-year-olds, I lack a good number of experiences.

14. Although I’m now out of the rut I had stuck myself in, people’s attitudes around me still make me feel bad and useless.

15. What do I fear the most? That I won’t find the opportunity to build up enough valuable experiences to make me forget the time I wasted in my youth.

16. Nevertheless, at this point, I am able to look back on my ‘mistakes’ with a clearer and calmer state of mind.

17. While I won’t stop calling them ‘regrets’ or ‘failures’, I am now more willing to use them as a lesson.

18. In a way, I know that I should be thankful because these past failures are part of what I am today.

19. Today I feel immensely grateful for succeeding in turning my life around.

20. I’m lucky to have found Matt (or rather, that he found me), a partner that accepts me for who I am.

21. Thanks to him, I found the courage to change, grow up, and take leaps (such as going back to uni).

22. All this happened in the last three years when probably everyone thought I would remain a frozen hermit without a life stuck in my parents’ house.

23. It doesn’t mean that I totally feel like an adult. Nope, I’m still freaked out. I’m growing older, but I’ve yet to grow up completely.

24. Despite that, age is still there, and I can’t ignore it. Not when this single silver-grey hair has popped out right in front of my head, argh!

25. This age is making me more conscious about my health, as I can’t keep saying to myself “I’m too young for that”. It’s kinda scary.

26. I’m also more aware of my parents’ age now, and that terrifies me a lot too.

27. All I can do is take care of myself and the dear people around me. It’s a responsibility that frightens me.

28. Anyway, that’s that. I’m 30. Time to hide my age from my profiles to avoid the ’30-something’ cliché.

29. But I’m not sad about growing older. My life is good, and I’m thankful for everything I’ve come across.

30. So, come on Life! Bring on more, I’m ready!

I encourage you to do such a thinking exercise once in a while, no matter your age. Avoid just creating a bucket list of peculiar goals, spending the rest of your days scrambling to achieve them. I hope you’ll find the serenity to look back to your past to understand your present and find the ideal way to face your future.

Are you turning 30 or already in your 30s? What thoughts or changes has this age brought about to you? Leave me a comment or drop me a mail!
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3 Comments

  • Reply Laura 13th August 2017 at 8:20 pm

    A belated Happy Birthday to you! 🙂
    I definitely get that too, where people think I’m much younger than I am. I’m 24, but the other day I managed to pass for 16 and get a kid’s cinema ticket though! It’s probably my lack of make-up too, and the fact that I haven’t grown out of the bright hair colours yet 🙂
    I definitely think everyone has those things they regret from the past though (I definitely do!), but it’s all experience, and we can only learn from it.
    I’m glad things are going so well for you though, and you have plenty of stuff to look forward to in the future! 🙂

    • Reply Tiziana 14th August 2017 at 8:22 pm

      Hi Laura.
      Thanks for the greetings! 🙂 Haha, if you can get something out of looking young/underaged, that’s always a plus. 😉 I think that looking younger also allows you to keep your bright hair colour for a longer while. I hope so, those colours really suit you!
      You’re right, it’s all experience. Now I accept that and I’m more at peace with myself.
      Thanks for the comment!

  • Reply Lindsay Deale 26th January 2018 at 9:35 am

    Hi, I stumbled upon an old post you wrote about how blogging can be awkward too and it immediately stuck with me because I can relate to every single thing you wrote (I’ve yet to actually start any blog even though I’ve written and eventually just erased many things I’ve come to refer to as “rough drafts that will never be good enough for me”. Such a waste of my time, especially considering how long I spend writing them, then editing them before out of frustration (and if I’m honest fear of rejection) I delete them before anyone but I see them. As you can see, I also tend to ramble (my friends “affectionately” refer to my text messages as novels, and most admit to either glossing over or simply not reading them due to their length, which stings, but I also understand their reasons…) Anyways long story long, I have two questions for you if you happen to have a moment (I know you are busy so there is no time limit attached to this at all) 1) Regarding finally posting my own blog post of any kind: How did you get past the insecurity and find the confidence/strength/cringe and just do it (insert whatever it took for you personally, or still does take) to start your own blog with actual posts written by you? I’ve been told I’m a good writer and I love to write (I have notebooks full of poetry and random musings I’ve written through the years, but only a few people have ever read SOME of it and no one bit me has read them all), and I love to read any and everything I can get my hands on. I am also socially awkward in person and it’s done a number on my confidence, but writing is my therapy and more than anything I’d love to be able to share this with others. Any advice? 2) Regarding this post I’m commenting on: I’m 35 (and my whole adult life I am always told I look about 5-10 years younger than I am which I’ve always wondered if that fact makes it hard for people to take me seriously… or is that an excuse) Anyways, I was a nurse for several years before a medical issue combined with some poor life choices ended my career (if you can call working as a nurse for 5 years a career). I have since been lingering in the “I don’t know what to do with my life” phase (although I got married right after my life went awry to a wonderful, supportive man), and I can’t seem to find my way out. You mentioned you also went through this phase but have recently found your way out and are in a good place now. My question is what was your spark? How did you figure out what you wanted to do and silence the voice in your head that convinces you since you failed once that’s all you are, a failer, and don’t have what it takes to be successful (maybe you never had this, I don’t mean to assume)? I need a purpose in life, I love to help others and I believe that we all have a responsibility to give something back to the world and right now I feel I have/do none of these things. As usual, I apologize for both the length of this (if you’ve read this far, thank you) “comment” as well as the incredibly personal nature of my questions. Something about the way you write (who you are) just really resonates with me and I can relate to almost everything I’ve read of yours (I truly don’t normally open up like this to complete strangers and if I never hear back I promise I’m not a stalker:), basically I just decided to say f**k it, post a comment, the worst that can happen is she will never read it or never respond, but it could change your life if she does respond with any advice that might help you move on with life… No pressure… sorry. Anyways, regardless, thank you for your blog, you have already helped me just by getting to read your posts and seeing I’m not alone in this world. Hope you are well and continue on your path of success.
    Best Lindsay (feel free to email me privately if you would like to respond…)

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